Life as it was

Have u ever wondered how life was gonna be like when u were growing up, i knew that i wanted a big family with lots of children and now i wouldn't have another child if my life depended on it. I love my son with everything inside of me but i don't ever want anymore ever and now i am a divorced single parent raising an autistic child and it is the hardest thing in the world.  I realize that i haven't been out on a date in 4 years since i got divorced no sex nothing at all in over 4 years how, sad is that but i watch a family go through so much pain all the time with a man and take abuse after abuse and still continue 2 go back and nothing that anyone does helps and she keeps choosing this man over everyone no matter how bad he treats her own children even though her children are adults she should still put them first and protect them and she doesn't they come last over and over and he has threatened them and been very cruel 2 them and yet she always goes back and keeps taking the abuse from him and letting her children take abuse from him, what kind of parent does that, i think its the reason that i haven't even tried 2 go on a date for fear of becoming like that, fear of putting my child second 2 a man and i refuse 2 do that, dustin will always come first no matter what and even if i remain single until he is old enough 2 be on his own if that ever even happens then so be it i will remain single i would rather be alone than put someone else before my son, i keep hoping that one day she will change or see the light but i don't think its ever going 2 happen i think she is so afraid to be alone that she would rather take abuse than be alone, but i keep praying that one day she will do the right thing for herself and for her children cause i know if she doesn't that one day her children are going 2 be out of her life for good and she wont have anyone but him and then god help her if that day ever comes.