Well been a while and my son is now 14 years old, and things have gotten out of hand.  I am still single and my son is still my entire life.  I got my teachers aide certificate and tried to work as an aide with special needs kids but it was hard to do and take care of my own kid, so that never went anywhere and now I am back in college, again, taking computer stuff so that I can do medical billing or something along those lines to be able to work from home, just started so far so good with it.  As for my son things have gone from worse to much worse to how much worse can it freaking get.  He has now been in 2 different behavioral centers where so far all they have done is drug him up and send him right back home of course no help as usual.  He hits himself in the face so hard he gives himself bruises he bites his hands and fingers and his knees so hard he breaks skin and then of course is his rage issues.  He has lots of rage issues so he will bite and attack me and my mom and anyone else who gets in his way when he is mad about something and anymore I have zero idea what he is mad about I don't know what he wants or what is wrong with him, I just know I can't take much more of this, he needs some real help that I can't give him here at home.  So we have been looking into residential homes for him and we have one place so far this coming out to evaluate him and then we have to drive six hours and go look at the place and see where he would live and what the do and what its like, and it is such a hard thing to think about putting your kid somewhere but I just don't know what else to do with him and my mind and my body can't take anymore.  I have a ruptured disk in my back and I need surgery on my back and both my knees and with my son its just not possible to get any of this done cause I cannot and will not be done, he attacks me enough now and I can move I could imagine what hell I would be in not being able to move and him attack me, so anyway that is pretty much it right now.  Life has been pretty much the same since the last time I posted on here, not much has changed except my son now attacks himself and everyone else right along with himself, and I have to decide to put him some where or keep him home and I honestly don't think I can do it, keep him at home, I love him and hes my life I just can't take much more so I hope I will figure out something soon cause at least a residential is better than a psych ward which is where he is headed if I don't get him some help and fast.